I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
