yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
no, he came in my armpit
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
