WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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