I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
