OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
