Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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