Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
