Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
