If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
