I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
