You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
