physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My dick has a subreddit
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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