i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
