So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
