so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
