I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
