There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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