so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize