whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
