2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
