i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
