Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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