My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
