Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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