Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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