i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
