This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
