I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
