I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize