i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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