So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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