So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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