I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
