the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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