Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
