No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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