I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
