just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
even my farts smell like vagina
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Blood and glitter go together right?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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