so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize