I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize