You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I love you. Go after that dick
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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