just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
