There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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