So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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