Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
