I must be too annoying 4 u.
I didn't shave. On purpose
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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