bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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