chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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