ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
