do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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