How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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