my phone needs a breathalizer
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
