she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
