Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
