Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How's work?
Spinning.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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