Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
