We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
