My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my liver is dry heaving
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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