so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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