Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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