Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
