You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
