just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
