I can text with my tongue
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
