Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
