I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
