I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
