I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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