Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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