eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
