oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
